I get it. I understand why ruts happen; why people stay stuck in bad relationships and at jobs they dread going to each day. Because this part is uncomfortable. My brain is tired, my body is tired, and part of me wants to curl up in a corner and wave a white flag. TOO MUCH NEW! But there's a lot of good, too, that I wouldn't be experiencing if I had stayed where things were comfortable.
The sizable part of my brain I call Sheldon Cooper hates things that are unpredictable. It constantly tells me to go back to Seattle, to my old job and my friends and my church and my gym and my massage therapist and my hair stylist and my dentist. But the flower-child Drew Barrymore circa 1996 part of my brain LOVES this. It relishes meeting all these new people and going all these new places. Because I want to go back to Mercy Ships, I have to stick with this travel nursing thing for awhile, and I know it's going to be good :)
Things I love about being here:
- the 15-minute train ride to work, and smelling the fresh baked bread as I walk past the Subway in Union Station on my way home
- being in a city again (there are ALWAYS interesting people around), and getting to walk to actual places (found this gem on my walk today)
- people who make eye contact and smile and say hi and chat easily with strangers
- the weather (75 and sunny with a light breeze? perfection)
- being within driving distance of the beach!
- a whole new city full of places to go and things to see and people to meet and restaurants to eat in
Things that are hard about being here:
- I miss my family...they will insist on staying in the midwest and I can't seem to stay away from this coast
- being the new kid is awkward...and makes me miss my other family, the weird and wonderful Harborview crew
- there are a LOT of people in this metropolis, and driving pretty much anywhere at any time is a terrible experience...and when there isn't traffic, being on the freeway is like a high-stakes game of MarioKart, except I have no green or red shells or mushroom power boosts.
- being confronted with poverty/homeless people on a daily basis is hard, and it makes me feel helpless, and it makes me want to find a nice comfortable wealth-bubble to spend the rest of my life inside. But I know deep down that disconnecting from the suffering of the people around me is not an effective coping mechanism, and it also doesn't work...disconnecting from the bad stuff renders you incapable of connecting to the good stuff (paraphrasing Brene Brown).
I'm not really sure what this blog is going to be for. Except that I like writing, and I find it cathartic to share my thoughts (it's like you're my therapist, but I don't have to pay you!). Thanks for reading, and look forward to: chronicles of public transit, selfies and also regular photos, the first time I run across a celebrity (it will happen), a comparison on working in private practice vs working in a state hospital (there's a lot less pus so far), and much much more.
